Rethinking the Motherhood Penalty
The “motherhood penalty” is unfortunately not a new concept, but it is gaining increasing attention in large part thanks to reports such as this one published by the American Bar Association that focus on the unique features of this penalty in the legal profession.
The report itself is a must-read. It synthesizes empirical data derived from a survey of over 8,100 lawyers in all practice settings and 10 focus groups. It is thoroughly researched, insightful, and takes an intersectional approach to a concept that is often considered only from the gendered perspective.
The report validates the anxieties, fears, and doubts I experienced when returning to the profession from maternity leave. Even under ideal circumstances, mothers (disproportionately to fathers as suggested by the authors) face barriers to remaining in the practice of law. Child care is grossly expensive and in short supply, it is virtually impossible to find care for a child who is sick but taking personal time to stay home with a sick child runs the risk that you seem “unreliable” (and no one has a solution for when your child is sick on the day you’re scheduled to appear in court or attend mediation), and making up for lost hours is even more challenging when your evenings and weekends don’t belong to you.
I feel fortunate to be working at a firm that gives me the flexibility to pursue a legal career while raising a young child. I have significant freedom to manage my own time, which allows me to succeed as a lawyer and be a mom who shows up for my kid. And still, I know the choices I have made will hold me back. I am plagued with worries that my advancement will be delayed, or certain opportunities withheld, because others aren’t sure when I may be off on my next maternity leave. I know there is a measurable reality to these concerns and I have seen it play out with others. My concerns are amplified by the voices (from outside my firm) that have told me it is “unfortunate” and “weird” that my parenting obligations occasionally affect my ability to work. I have been told that children are a “distraction”. I am sure there are others who think as much but have the tact not to say it to me directly.
The practice of law is challenging, fulfilling, and engaging. I am in this profession because I enjoy it. I enjoy motherhood, too. Despite the regressive attitudes that still exist towards mothers who are practicing law, I know that I am a better lawyer for the skills I have developed as a parent. My ability to communicate empathy and validation to my clients without taking on their grievances as my own has grown immensely since I have learned to empathize with and validate a dysregulated toddler. The mantra “they are having a hard time, they are not trying to give me a hard time” applies just as well to the seventh sleepless night caused by teething as it does to the seventh phone call of the day from a stressed-out client. I am refining the skill of effectively holding firm and kind boundaries in my practice and at home. “No, that won’t be possible” applies equally as well to “I will not help you destroy a relevant yet harmful email” as it does to “I will not let you eat the cheerio you found in a puddle.”
I also believe that being a lawyer has made me a better parent. Certainly having weekday hours to myself allows my mind to be mine again and provides me with the mental bandwidth to meaningfully engage at home. I also have no doubt that my litigation skills will come in handy when negotiating with teenagers becomes a part of my daily life.
The practice of law is not easy. Motherhood isn’t either. But, both fill my cup in different ways and motivate me to continue to wrangle with the implications of reports such as this one. I look forward to seeing the profession continue the difficult and important work of implementing the best practices the authors have identified.
About the Author
Caryna Miller is an associate at Harper Grey. She maintains a broad litigation practice spanning in technically challenging complex litigation matters, professional liability defence, and environmental contamination, where she is known for her discerning judgment and skillful execution. Outside of her primary practice, Caryna has dedicated hundreds of hours to pro bono work, including to programs offered and supported by Access Pro Bono in BC. Caryna currently serves as a director on the board of directors of Pacific Community Resources Society.