Let Them

Dear LiL: Given a recent negative experience of facing dismissive attitudes from opposing counsel during negotiations, how can I assert myself more effectively in professional settings without being perceived as overly aggressive or confrontational?

There is a growing movement in the wellness space to embrace the “LET THEM” theory.  It is a reminder to choose your battles in a world where there can be so very many battles.  Is someone underestimating your level of intelligence? LET THEM.  Is someone talking negatively about you for striving to obtain your goals? LET THEM.   If you are not inspired to respect a person for their values, goals and behavior, then that person’s view of you should be of no concern to you.

It is a lovely notion for bringing inner peace.  But, like anything in life, it requires context.

As a lawyer, we have two jobs.  The first job is to fiercely represent our clients’ interests.  The second job is to do the first job in an ethical and professional manner at all times.

Lawyers will not always agree with one another.  That goes with the territory.  But we can disagree and we can advance our clients’ different – and sometimes diametrically opposing –  interests in ways that are respectful and professional.  That is the goal, anyway.  And we must continue to strive toward that goal.

But, despite best efforts, there are times when some lawyers behave in a less than professional fashion in the name of advocacy.  You can only control your own behavior.  Let that control over your own behavior be your most powerful tool.  If another lawyer is being dismissive and rude, rise above it by doing the opposite. Take up space by being assertive.  Assert your right not to be interrupted.  Assert your right to be heard.  Call out unprofessional tone.  Demand respect. You can do this while still maintaining decorum and professionalism.   If you are not getting that respect, you may have to speak to your client about shutting down the proceeding or the negotiation in that moment to drive home the point that you will not accept anything less than the respect you and your client deserve.  You owe it to your client.  And you owe it to yourself.

If someone perceives you doing your best job for your client as you being, “difficult” or “argumentative,” then LET THEM.  Your client is counting on you to break through these barriers.   It can be uncomfortable at first, but practice makes it easier.  And all the while, know that you are in good company.  In the words of Jane Goodall, “it actually doesn’t take much to be considered a difficult woman.  That’s why there are so many of us.”

About the Author

Dara Lambe is a partner at Lerners. Dara is based in the London office, where she serves as Practice Group Leader of the Specialty Risk and Insurance Group. Dara’s practice is focussed on insurance law, medical negligence litigation and professional liability proceedings. She is passionate about mentoring young lawyers and promoting discussions around wellness in the profession.  In her spare time, Dara enjoys cooking, kayaking and parenting an amazing teenager.